Surviving trains in Tokyo

Tokyo Station

During my regular commute in Tokyo, I can't help but notice many foreigners sporting huge travel backpacks and lost, helpless looks on their faces as they stand. Right. In. The. Middle. Of. The. Escalator. 

To be fair, this is not limited to foreign travelers. If only that were the case, there would be fewer instances of business people swerving around people on train platforms in a desperate bid to to make their train. 

No, other culprits include old people who can't move quickly anymore (and I say, why should they have to? They made it this far in their lives, they deserve the break) and Japanese tourists who come to Tokyo and don't understand people in a hurry. 

However, today I offer tips to foreigners who don't seem to realize how insane it can get on trains in Japan. 

Tip 1: If you can, do not go near a train station between the hours of 7-11 a.m. and then 5-1 a.m. If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of riding a train during these hours, please follow my guide below to survive.

Tip 2: In Tokyo, stand on the left of the escalator if you just want to stand there and not run up the steps. Make every effort to merge your body with the left side of the escalator. 

Tip 3: If you feel the need to be lost and try to find your way by looking at a map, press yourself against the nearest train station wall, not in the middle of the walking area. Exception: Do not stand anywhere near stairs leading to a train platform. Stay far away from these during your period of being lost. 

Tip 4: Ride the elevator if you are with small children, pregnant, sick, old or injured. 

Tip 5: While riding a train anywhere, it's never a good time to call up your buddy on Skype on your phone and say, "You'll never guess where I am!" Text? Go for it. 

Tip 6: Don't try to rush onto a train that's about to leave unless you are ok with the entire car full of people staring at you, whether you make it or not. Japanese business people rush the train all the time, but now is the time to shine and say to Japan, "Look at what a good tourist I am. I didn't rush the train." (Though if I'm in a hurry, I have been known to leap like a gazelle between closing doors)

Tip 7: Want to make the jaws of fellow Japanese passengers drop in a good way? Try any of the following:

                 A: Give up your seat to anyone you feel needs it. The standard is to give up your seat for people who would also prefer the elevator (see Tip 4) 

                 B: Stand to the side of train doors when boarding and wait until everyone needing to get off does before you enter.

                 C: If a door is closing on someone who is rushing the train (see Tip 6) and you are near the door, reach out and pull the door back so it doesn't shut on them. Only do this if it looks like they will get stuck otherwise. 

                 D: Always walk on the left side in the train station. 

                 E: Try not to bump into anyone anywhere, and if you do, bow at them and say "Sumimasen." (su-ME-mah-sen). Especially do this if the person you bumped is old. 

                 F: Help someone trying to put their bags on the overhead wrack on the train. 

                 G: If you see someone molesting usually a high school girl in a short skirt, feel free to point at the   offender and say loudly, "Chikan!" (CHE-kahn). This means pervert. 

                If you feel like you could take the offender on should they attempt a swing (some of them are drunk) and want to play the hero, then grab the offender's arm, declare they are a chikan, drag them off the train at the next station and find someone in a station uniform. Then tell the official about the chikan. (NOTE: Do not attempt unless you seriously could handle either someone potentially verbally assaulting you or physically assaulting you. Do not assume other riders will come to your aid.)

                 H: Let old people get off the train before you if they are nearby. 

                 I: Some old people think they don't need a seat, and then the train jerks forward and they almost fall over or, sometimes, do. Be on the lookout for this and help. 

(Note: Many, many people would prefer not to help anyone they don't personally know, but a philosophy professor of mine once said, "If that's you who's in trouble, do you want to be surrounded by people who will help strangers or people who won't?") 

Tip 8: Lost? Feel free to ask the train staff (usually near the ticket gates) or a young-ish person (go for someone who's the same sex as you if you're not hoping to look like you're just hitting on them) for directions. I recommend middle school kids just because they have whole sections of their English textbooks dedicated to giving directions at train stations, and their English teachers would be incredibly thrilled if those kids actually put that knowledge to use. 

As promised in Tip 1, here is how to survive rush hour. 

Rush Hour Tip 1: Know your destination in advance, and know exactly what trains you need to get there and on what platform you need to be for each connect. If you have to wander lost in the station trying to find your connection and whatnot, stay as close to the walls of the train station as possible while you look. 

Rush Hour Tip 2: By a touch pass. You can do this at most ticket dispensing machines at most train stations. Putting about 1,000 yen on your card should get you where you need to go. This saves you having to stare at the train maps over the ticket machines trying to figure out what ticket you need to buy. 

Rush Hour Tip 3: For God's sake stay out of the middle section of where people are walking in train stations. This area should be reserved for business people who know their train routes better than the lines to their favorite movie. 

Rush Hour Tip 4: If you are donning a huge backpack, arrange it so it's against your chest rather than your back. This will help prevent you from accidentally taking someone out should you quickly turn around. Try not to have your backpack on you when you're in a crowded train because no one wants to have their face pushed up against a backpack you've been using every day during your month-long tour of Asia. 

Rush Hour Tip 5: The train will be packed full of people. Do not fight against the flow onto the train, but try not to squish the old person who was also unfortunate enough to get stuck traveling during rush hour. 

Rush Hour Tip 6: There is always room for you on the train. Do not be intimidated by a train door that opens to reveal a wall of people. Just bow your head once and back your way into the train. 

Rush Hour Tip 7: Do not be afraid to get off the train if the doors open opposite to where you are standing. Yell out "Orimasu!" (Oh-REE-mahs) ("I'm getting off!") and push people out of your way until you are off the train. 

Rush Hour Tip 8: The rules of courtesy still apply in crowded trains in that if someone who looks like they need to sit down is standing anywhere near where you are sitting, stand up and give them your seat. 

Rush Hour Tip 9: Know the name of the train station you want and train your ears to the announcements. Sometimes you are so jammed into the train that you can't even scratch your nose, let alone peer out the window and see what station you're at. 

Rush Hour Tip 10: Put your arms in front of your chest like someone is about to attack you when you're on the train. This gives you a little breathing room. 

Rush Hour Tip 11: On the escalators, hug that left side of the escalator and make yourself as small as possible or someone running up on the right will run directly into you...and keep going.