Hakone

Hakone

With the coming of fall comes the call to go outside and enjoy the decent weather before winter arrives. 

This year, we decided to go see Hakone. We went once in the middle of winter, and subsequently saw very little of the area. This time, it was near the beginning of October, and the weather was fantastic. 

The leaves were no where near changing, but you still could feel autumn in the air. 

Below, I offer a mini guide to some of the things you can do. 

About Hakone

The number one fact that shocked me about Hakone is that the entire thing, like Yellowstone National Park, is on top of a caldera. While I was assured the volcano hasn't erupted in thousands of years, I was not assured. 

That being said, because it's on top of a caledera, there are tons of natural hot springs for you to enjoy, and there's even a cable car that takes you to some spots that will remind you of Yellowstone with steam rising into the air all around you. 

Most Japanese love going to Hakone for its nature and for its hot springs. 

Getting to Hakone

My personal recommendation is just to drive there. It's entirely possible to get there by train and to go around on foot or by bus, but when everything is spaced out and everything closes by 5pm, a car really comes in handy. 

One of the trails available

Hiking
Hakone is great for all of its little hiking courses. We chose one from a Japanese guidebook, and it started off amazingly enough. It was this path made up of stones through the woods, and then suddenly it comes up to a freeway, and you're walking alongside passing cars. For the first ten minutes or so, though, the trail was fantastic. We went back to our car, drove up that freeway, and saw that the trail dipped back into patches of forest every now and then. So I think the best way to enjoy this particular path is half walking, half car. There were parking lots along the way for your car.

Hakone Shrine

Hakone Shrine
Just because Hakone is on top of what would appear to still be an active volcano doesn't mean there's no ancient shrine to enjoy. You can see one part of it in the first photo I put in this post, and here's a photo of the top of a massive set of stairs you have to climb to reach the main point of the shrine. As you can see from the line, it appears to be a really popular shrine.

If you're into shrines and getting your goshuin, then I recommend going here. Otherwise, it's a shrine you'd see anywhere else. It's worth going down to the lake to see the shrine's entrance right up against the water (photo opportunities galore) but that's about it for those mildly interested in shrines.

The pirate ship

Boat cruise
I saw this ship in the Japanese guidebook and completely glazed over the part that said "it's a pirate ship knockoff." I was under some hopefully deluded impression that it was an old, wooden ship you could actually ride on. There's such a ship docked in Minato Mirai in Yokohama, and I've always wanted to take a ride on it. Now was my chance.

So imagine my grand disappointment to realize that this is a ship made of plastic, and it has fake pirate stuff all over the place.

The good news is that you can take a boat trip that literally lasts 10 minutes and costs less than 400 yen on this thing, which is what we did. It was enough time to take photos (which is how I got that first photo in this post) and enjoy the scenery, and not enough time to realize just how cheesy the whole ship was.

There are, of course, longer courses available, and if you like cheesy stuff or have little kids with you who love pirates, then that's be worth it. If you just want to take a few photos from the lake without paying a fortune for a boat, take the 10 minute trip.

Climbing up to see more susuki

Enjoying susuki
I didn't know what these stalks were (wheat??) but it turns out they're called susuki, which is roughly translated to "silver grass" or "Japanese pampas grass." I'd never seen anything quite like it, so visiting a hillside covered in them was quite the sight to behold. There's a path available (for free) that takes you up the hillside right among the susuki.

Photo opportunities abound on the trail

As you can see, there are many a photo opportunity on your way up the hillside. It's a nice little trip up the hillside, and one best taken with your camera in tow.

Lounge of the Hyatt Regency Hakone

Having some tea

After all of your hiking, photo taking and riding fake pirate ships, there's no better time to sit down and have a nice cup of tea. Unfortunately, by the time we were ready for that, it was past 5pm, and everything in Hakone shuts down around then. 

Fortunately, we managed to find a hotel with a lounge that offers tea well past 5pm. The Hyatt Regency in Hakone. 

I thought they wouldn't let us into their lounge because we weren't hotel guests, but the entire staff treated us like we were, and while we parked our car, the staff member manning the front door had already called the lounge to alert them of our presence, and we had a table and waiter on hand by the time we got down to the lounge. It was all impressive staff work. 

The lounge was truly magnificent. If there was snow, I imagine you would never want to leave there, with its wooden interior, glowing fireplace and wall-high glass windows. The place was made for enjoying a hot cup of tea while looking out at the snow falling outside. It was peaceful enough for us in the beginning of October, so I hate to imagine December or January. We'd probably still be there, trapped in our extremely comfortable chairs, asking for another round of tea.

As we left (the bill, by the way, was astronomical for two orders of tea and one order of sandwiches...but such is the Hyatt Regency), the staff outside seemed concerned that we wanted to leave. 

"You'd like to leave...now?" said the staff member to us. 

"Um, yes," I said. 

Was this like a hotel of the damned, where you could never leave? Maybe that was why it'd been so comfortable - to render you unable to leave. 

The staff member fiddled with his hands while he looked out into the darkness beyond the hotel. He had a look of deep distress on his face.

"Ok, well you can go to your car quickly, but please be careful. There's an inoshishi out there."

"A what?" I said.

The staff member struggled for the English. 

"A...um...a wild boar. Big one." 

Oh. 

He guided us to our car in the parking garage as we saw two larger staff members trying to dissuade the wild boar from making itself at home near the hotel. 

A Shinto Wedding

A Shinto wedding

Despite having to wake up before 6 a.m. on my day off, and despite traveling over an hour to get to the shrine, I felt incredibly excited about what lay ahead.

One of my husband's best friends was getting married.

Not only that, it'd be a Shinto wedding.

And we were invited to that wedding.

I could not miss this.



Religion in Japan 
Shinto, in case you're not aware, is one of the religions Japan practices, probably the main one. The main belief of this religion is that there is a god in everything. Not just living things, but everything. (If you re-watch Pocahontas singing the beginning of "Colors of the Wind" in the Disney movie, you'll get the gist of it.)

I took a course on religions of Asia during college in preparation for Japan, and it was in this class that I learned what I now can only vaguely recall of Shinto, but I'm fairly certain it's because of this belief in everything having a god within it that Japan is pretty hardcore about just about many, many things. The rituals of a tea ceremony, for example, are not to be contended with.

However, as I talked to some of my husband's friends after the wedding, I heard them say that it was also because of this belief that they could so easily weave in and out of other religious practices.

There is a saying about Japan that you are born in Shintoism, you marry in Christianity, and you die in Buddhism. I heard this during my religion course, and our professor said that is because Shinto doesn't deal with death at all. Shinto cares about life. The Christianity part has a lot to do with Western culture seeping into Japanese life, and Buddhism is all about reincarnation and letting go of worldly possessions, which seems to make it fitting for death.

So if you're in Japan and you can't figure out if you're at a Buddhist temple or a Shinto shrine, look around for a red gate (torii) at the entrance (Shinto) and a cemetery (Buddhist).

My husband's friends said that Japan can do this kind of buffet style of religion thanks to Shintoism. Because everything has a god in it, you should be open-minded to as much as possible because everything is sacred (I would like to throw in: Within reason. Don't use Shintoism as an excuse to bungee jump without a cord attached to you or something).

Japan is close-minded about many, many things. They will, for instance, happily tolerate foreign tourists, but things can get hairy if you plan on living here. Just take a look at some of the sensational news out there to get some sort of idea of how they treat women who want to have children and still work in this country.

However, religion is what I think about when I think of Japan's open-mindedness. While I've had friends in America get into fights over their brand of Christianity being better than the other's, in Japan, no one seems to think their religion (let alone their brand of a particular religion) is better than someone else's. They don't care, because they think it's all the same, which is to say, sacred.

The priestesses

The Shinto Wedding
 We got to the shrine grounds by 8:30 a.m. and were ushered down into the basement of one of the buildings there. It looked like a hotel small conference room that smelled like an old trailer.

The bride and groom came into the room and sat at the head of the room at this little banquet table facing us, the bride in a white kimono with the hood on while the groom was in the traditional kimono for men.

Their mothers were in kimono while their fathers were in full tuxedos. Everyone else was in a suit and tie or a dress.

Relatives sat in the middle of the room while us friends and non-relatives sat in the periphery.

A man from the shrine who came in wearing a suit and tie proceeded to explain what was about to happen. He told us that when someone said, "Onaori kudasai," it meant to stop bowing your heads. No one seemed to have heard that expression before.

The man walked everyone through the ceremony using a well-practiced speech, talking almost a little too fast at times as he breezed through what the two priestesses would be doing and how the bride and groom were to present a part of a tree to the gods of the shrine. The groom, clearly nervous, fumbled it a few times and ended up looking at how his future wife smoothly moved her hands to point the end of the branch in the right direction.

After about ten minutes of this, I began to wonder if the ceremony was going to take place in this conference room that smelled like an old trailer. However, the man wrapped up his speech and said we'd be going back upstairs in just a few minutes and that this was the time to take photos (though we would be allowed to take photos in the shrine, too).

My husband went over to the groom, his friend, and asked if they'd gone through what would happen at the ceremony beforehand.

"No," said the groom, clearly flustered, "that was the first time I've heard what's going to happen."

"Wow, you're definitely going to mess this up," my husband said, being a good friend.

In contrast to the disheveled, too-nervous-to-smile-for-photos groom, the bride was radiant in her calm. She was like a rock in the rapids the groom was steadily creating.

We were all ushered upstairs into the main area of the shrine, and I was truly, deeply moved to see we would not have to sit on the floor. All these years in Japan has yet to teach me how to kneel on a tatami mat for hours on end, nor has it helped my back when there's nothing to lean against. There were little fold out chairs with no back to them, like you'd use for camping.

About a minute after we were all settled into our chairs, someone from the shrine started banging against a taikou drum. The main priest of the shrine rang the bells of the shrine to wake the gods up so they'd listen to him, and then he started saying things I couldn't understand in a sing-song voice. (Neither my husband nor his friends could apparently figure out what the guy was saying either.) At one point I could make out the names of the bride and groom, along with their dates of birth.

We were told to bow our heads at random times, and all of us suffered when we were told to bow our heads...and bow them...and keep them bowed...and just a little more...and ok maybe now it was ok to raise your head again. Your neck muscles get a sudden workout.

At one point the bride and groom got up, drank sake, and went up into the main area of the shrine. They presented their branches of a tree (at least, that's what I think they were) to the gods, and then the groom read aloud their names and the date, proclaiming that they are now married.

The priestesses really grabbed my attention throughout the entire ceremony. They never once smiled, nor showed any hint they were even human. I began to question their humanity even more when they began moving in perfect unison...all the time. At one point they went up a few steps into the main part of the shrine (where the gods dwell) and did a ritual dance in such unison that pop stars the world over would wilt with jealousy if they ever saw it. It was just not normal.

Most eye-catching, for me at least, was when they poured sake into these little plates for everyone to drink. Two little tables had been set up in front of the lines of relatives lining either side of the bride and groom (who were in the center) with the little plates on them. These priestesses started in the center of the room in pouring the sake, and they tilted the little pots containing the sake in unison. They would tilt it once, twice, three times and then would take a single step away from the center of the room to pour sake into the next plate. It was mesmerizing to watch.

I asked anyone who would listen to me why Shinto weddings always involve drinking sake, and no one had an answer. The man at the beginning of all of this had mentioned something briefly about a play on words (the word for avoiding someone or something in Japanese is "sakeru" and he said drinking sake prevents you from avoiding because you're drinking away that avoidance tendency) but I don't know if that's true.

Throughout the entire ceremony, I felt lost. The beginning felt like wading into a pool, and toward the end of the ceremony I felt like I was in this turbulent sea of culture I couldn't begin to navigate. This was all way beyond what I could comprehend of Japanese culture. It was so ancient and so far removed from what I normally see in everyday life here that I was kind of dizzy from it all. My small comfort was in hearing my husband and all of his friends wholeheartedly agreeing that they also had no idea what was going on.

And during all of this, from the priest waking the gods to the groom announcing their marriage to the priestesses pouring sake in better unison than robots could achieve, behind me I could hear the familiar sound of people outside throwing coins into a box set outside the shrine followed by two loud, resounding claps. To me, it kind of felt like having a wedding in a church with a small, separate service going on in the back. Interesting.

Tips for theme parks 2

Flight of the Hippogriff at USJ's Harry Potter World

With school starting up and work kicking into high gear, now is actually the perfect time to go visit a theme park. You'll get your full money's worth thanks to the non-existent lines.

While my friends and I managed to miss the obon holiday period in Japan, we were still met with a wall of people at Harry Potter World in Osaka. I think it doesn't help that it was just opened in July.

Below is an overview of what you can do at Harry Potter World and my review of each option.

Hogwarts Castle

We lined up here first, and it wasn't until we were well and good in line that we thought to stop and ask a staff member how long the wait was. There hadn't been a sign out front telling you that. The staff person said it was 250 minutes.

My friend did the math quickly in her head before shouting, "It's four hours??"

Thankfully there were four of us, and while I don't recommend this just because it is a huge pain getting in and out of line, two of us stayed in line while two of us were able to get away and walk around the park. As there are no bathrooms available while you wait the four hours, staff people working the lines seemed accustomed to people ducking in and out of the line for bathroom breaks.

Tips: It was also ridiculously hot. There is no real shelter (except a green house...which was hot, too) so come extra prepared for this one. Bring a sun umbrella. Even if you've never used one before, never thought one would ever come in handy in your entire life, if you are going to Harry Potter World and it is slightly hot outside, now would be the time to go buy your first sun, folding umbrella. Bring spray to cool your skin and clothing down. Bring water. Bring snacks. Above all, bring something to keep you occupied for at least four hours. There is only so long you can talk to the people you're with.

Luckily for us, the wait turned out to be closer to two and a half hours than four. You're expected to shove all of your belongings into a locker, so try not to bring a massive bag.

You hang like you're on a ski lift on this ride, so try not to wear flip flops (you shouldn't be wearing flip flops to a theme park anyway, unless you don't care about your legs and feet).

Review: I have to admit that I am terrified of big, nasty creatures suddenly appearing right in front of you. This ride starts off with you following Harry on his broom as Hagrid asks if anyone's seen his dragon. Lucky you, you get to find that massive dragon, and this ride brilliantly mixes screen work with animatronic work. Suddenly there is this massive dragon breathing fire at you. Aaand...I shut my eyes. I know, it's pathetic. Everyone in my group enjoyed berating me over that one. Why wait two and a half hours to not even see the ride? But there you go.I would open my eyes a little tiny bit to see where we were on the ride, and I saw dementors on the screen so I shut my eyes, then you're in this creepy forest, and again I shut my eyes.

Overview: The people in my group said this ride was actually worth waiting in that long line for. They said it was way better than they had anticipated, and it comes highly recommended. I would suggest that if you (or someone you're with) are squeamish about nasty things suddenly coming within inches of your face, then just skip the ride.

Ollivanders

The wait for this ride was at least an hour, but after Hogwarts, that didn't seem so bad anymore. You go into this tiny room piled high with wands, and this foreigner actor really puts on a nice little show. He will usually pick a kid out of your group and have them try out a wand. There are nice special effects, the actor is actually really good (despite having to serve as his own interpreter in English and Japanese), and then you're shuffled into the wand shop. 

Tips: If you have a little one and you don't want to shell out 3,500 yen for a wand, skip this thing altogether. Tell them it's closed or something. Because the kid who's chosen will try out several wands before the actor dusts off one particular wand box, and as soon as that kid holds that wand, music plays, a spotlight turns on, and it's magic. And then a staff member takes that wand and guides you over to the cash register, where you'll be asked to pay for it. 

Review: I'd say if you only had to wait five minutes (and your kid already has a wand or seriously doesn't want one, or you're all adults), it's worth seeing this short little skit just for the acting. If it's over five minutes, though, just skip the "ride" altogether and go next door to the wand shop to check it out. 

Review of the store: My friend came up with the suggestion that you could go to a computer terminal, take a personality quiz, and then have your wand chosen for you. Unfortunately, that's not how it pans out. It's just a shop loaded with stuff rather haphazardly with display cases along the wall telling you what each wand means. There's no mention of the wand's core - just the wood the wand is made out of (and the wands are actually plastic). If it's not crowded then go ahead and peruse the store, but if it's wall-to-wall, then don't bother unless you're burning to own a wand.

Flight of the Hippogriff

If you're wondering where Hagrid's hut is, and you want to see Syrius' bike, then you'll want to at least line up for this ride. This line was also really long, and as it was raining on and off all day, the ride shut down a few times while we waited. 

Tips: Again, time to whip out that sun umbrella because there is no shade while in line. You're also against what I imagine is trying to be the Forbidden Forest, so expect bugs every now and then, too, if you're at the park during a warmer season. 

Review: This is a good roller coaster for people who feel they can slightly handle roller coasters. Those who are huge fans of roller coasters (like me, for example) will find themselves disappointed and bored by the experience. It's worth riding if the wait is 20 minutes or less if you're a slight roller coaster fan. It's worth waiting five minutes if you're a bigger fan. 

The Three Broomsticks

The wait for this was, you guessed it, long. This is where it's helpful to have snacks in hand so you don't have to rely on restaurants for your food. It's good to go for the experience, though. 

Tips: Go when it's not normally time for lunch or dinner. As you're walking between shops and whatnot, keep your eye on the line in front of here and prepare to pounce if it's a short enough wait. If you don't feel like doing this, then go when you're not hungry, because by the time you get through the line, you'll be hungry again. 

Review: My friends and I all got something different. It's stereotypical British food with Cornish pasties, Shepherd's pie, and then food like corn on the cob and pork ribs. There's a kiddie menu that didn't look too bad. Be prepared to shell out 2,000 yen per meal. Don't bother with the Cornish pasties unless you're not really hungry because there were only three given to me, and all were bite-size, even by Japanese serving size standards. It's worth eating here just to see the interior, though.

Butterbeer and Pumpkin Juice

Review: Butterbeer tastes like a rich cream soda, and it was amazing. I was a fan of the Pumpkin Juice, too (it tasted like melted pumpkin pie to me), but my Japanese friends said it tasted like tonkatsu sauce or some sort of meat sauce, and they could only stomach a few mouthfuls of it. 

The Shops

You'd be pleasantly surprised to learn that there were even long waits just to get into any of the shops to buy stuff. 

Tips: Try to figure out beforehand what kind of stuff you want to buy, because if you see lines outside the shops, then just assume you won't have time to meander through the store and peruse everything. Not without being shoved around a lot, though. 

Review: I'm sure the shops would be better if I'd gone on a day that wasn't wall-to-wall people. Everything is, surprise surprise, overpriced. Just prepare for that. I wouldn't recommend any shop over any of the others, though I was a fan of Honeydukes just because they had American candy in these glass jars that I didn't know existed in Japan (of course, THAT candy wasn't on sale...). 

Tips for theme parks 1

Hogsmeade at Harry Potter World

Having just experienced Harry Potter World at Universal Studios Japan (USJ) on Sunday, I thought I'd share a few things I learned that can help you better enjoy going there, if you ever want to. This post will be split in two.

First, some general tips for going to a theme park.

Go in the fall or spring
This applies to most theme parks just about anywhere in the world. Go to a theme park like Disneyland when kids are stuck at school and adults are stuck at work (that means not going on a national holiday either). If you can pull this off, you will be rewarded with shorter lines, discounts and weather you can handle.

Bring food
If the parks allow. Most theme park food is absolutely awful in terms of nutrition, and while I know you're on vacation and you deserve the junk food, you need food that will help you walk around the park, too. If you're on a budget, bringing food also helps in that department. To save the most money, either make and bring your own food or buy stuff at your nearest supermarket rather than a convenience store.

Bring a water bottle (or two)
Most theme parks will have drinking fountains where you can restock on water, that most precious of drinks. Bringing your own water bottles and filling up on water most of the day will also help you regain a pulse after you see how much drinks are going for inside the park.

Wear comfortable, walking shoes
Many people do not seem to realize just how much walking and standing is involved when going to a theme park. If you're keen on seeing and doing everything, then just expect to walk or stand for over eight hours. Wear serious shoes.

Prepare for weather
For rain: If the weather forecast calls for a 20 percent chance of rain or more, bring an umbrella or poncho with you just in case.
Spring: Bring a jacket, dress in layers.
Summer: If you can't avoid going during this season, then prepare for being overheated and surrounded by thousands of people feeling the same way. Bring extra sunscreen and ways to cool off. Most 100 yen stores sell portable fans around summertime. Unless you feel like getting an arm workout moving a fan or the brochure to the theme park all day long, a portable electric fan is heaven. Stock it with good batteries, and you're good to go. Also bring plenty of water with you and a sun umbrella (there is sometimes no shade while waiting in lines)
Fall: Bring a jacket for the evening and sunscreen.
Winter: Dress like you would before going to a football game outdoors. Just because you're moving around doesn't mean you won't freeze. Dress in layers since I'm sure most indoor areas of the theme park will have the heat cranked up. Bring kairo with you for every part of your body. Bring thermoses of hot drinks. 

Prepare for lines
I don't understand people who seem genuinely shocked to see the wait times for places. This is a theme park, people. You will wait in a line unless you decided to go on a weekday during the off season and the weather is terrible out. Just accept it as part of the theme park experience, and prepare accordingly. Bring a light book to read, bring a video game console, bring some magazines. Treat waiting in line like you're in the back seat of a car about to go on a road trip. This is especially paramount if you're bringing little kids with you, because there is hardly anything to hold their interest while waiting.

Prepare for a dead cell phone
Bring a portable charger. Bring two if you only have your cell phone to keep you entertained while you wait in line.

Fireflies in Tokyo

One of many reasons why I can enjoy the turning of the seasons is thanks to a magazine called Pia. Every season they create a guidebook to the Kanto area regarding events, activities, food and everything else you can do during that particular season.

I love to buy this magazine, circle the events I want to go and then slot a day out for it on the calendar ahead of time.

The Summer Pia edition features all the fireworks festivals and summery activities available, but one that particularly caught my eye was the promise of being able to see fireflies in the greater Tokyo area.

For me, summer just isn't summer without fireflies, and most of the Kanto area is woefully low on them.

The fireflies could be found at Hotel Chinzanso on what turned out to be the outskirts of Tokyo, housed in a massive park the hotel has.

Apart from the bad point that the hotel was far, far away from any train station, it was an absolutely amazing PR event. Anyone could enter the park; you didn't have to be a guest at the hotel. Entrance into the park was free, and after you had your fill of seeing fireflies, the hotel offered a free shuttle service to Ikebukuro Station.

The park, for what it's worth, is absolutely glorious. There's a nice river running through what is actually more of a valley than a park. You descend into it, the soft lights of the hotel and some black lighting (fireflies shy away from anything else) guiding you on the steps down toward the river. It seems like a really nice place to get lost in for a while.

When we went there, the place was packed with people, all who were saying, "Do you see them? I don't see them. Where are they?" to one another in fierce whispers.

The park had put a few of them in a glass enclosure behind the waterfall, which could be accessed by this little tunnel, but apart from that, there seemed to be none. Maybe we were too early, I wondered.

Upon deeper exploration into the park, I realized it was incredibly easy to spot the few fireflies meandering around the river the same way it's easy to spot a celebrity in a crowd who didn't wear a good enough disguise. Someone would shout "Firefly!" and everyone would run to wherever that person was pointing, and then others would join in with, "Yes, it's over there! Look!" all of them pointing.

One firefly seemed to give fan service by lazily floating around the heads of observers, prompting everyone to ooh and ahh as they extended their hands upward, hoping the firefly might land on them. It finally landed on one woman, and she was instantly surrounded by people, all who wanted more of a close-up look at a firefly.


I grew up in a small town, where every summer I would go out into a backyard overwhelmed by fireflies and see how many of them I could catch. For me, fireflies were as commonplace as pigeons are in the city.

Yet there I stood, watching people go crazy over just seeing a handful of fireflies.

All of that meant that fireflies are now so rare here that no one was experiencing what I had taken for granted as a kid.

Watching the fuss people made over the little insects, I couldn't help but feel sad.

Carl's house that flies in the sky?

"Ratatouille" in Japan

I'm an all-around movie lover, and so my idea of a fun time on a weekend evening is to walk to my nearby Tsutaya (Japan's Blockbuster) and peruse their selection.

It would seem that most people in America love to just order their movies online, but I still love going into a store and seeing what all is available to me. Sometimes I stumble across a movie I hadn't remembered I'd even wanted to see until the moment I come face-to-face with it. Other times I experience delayed pleasure when the movie I want to watch has been rented out and I have to come back another time to watch it. I think I'll always love the concept of a video rental store the same way I'll probably always love the feeling over opening a newspaper in front of me or holding a book in my hands. I'm old-fashioned, I know.



The only downside to perusing a video rental store in Japan is that if you happen to have a specific movie title in mind, you will probably never find it without some serious digging.

See, Japan and America have different standards for putting a title to a movie. In America, we think the shorter, the better. We want a concise title that sums up what the movie is about. Think about movies like "Star Wars," "X-Men," "Love, Actually" and "Ocean's Eleven." It is an unusual day when you see a movie title longer than five words (though they do happen every now and then).


Japan, on the other hand, LOVES to have long rambling titles for their movies and TV dramas because if they don't, a Japanese person will take one look at the short title, wonder what it's about only long enough to wonder why the people making the film didn't put a longer title on it and then pass on watching it. Japanese people seem to have this inherent need to know exactly what a movie is to the point their movie titles just go on and on forever.

Also, Japan does not enjoy incredibly clever movie titles. They don't want a word that provides a double-meaning that you'd only get after watching the movie. No, they just want a straight-up, no-nonsense title that will tell them what the movie is about most of the time.



The problem with this, then, is when Japan imports films from abroad, dubs them over or puts in Japanese subtitles, and then mass markets the film over here. The title can't just stay the way it is because who in Japan would get that "Sister Act" is about a woman pretending to be a nun but then starts to enjoy life as a nun because she's reaching out to people?

Thus, the title became "A love song to angels." Someone thought this better described the film.

"Legally Blonde" became "Cutie Blonde" to better emphasize that the movie would not appeal to men.

"Hitch"? That became "How to begin your last romance"

I have read that Japan has recently had to give up changing the names of a lot of movie titles because people in Japan started to read about these films online before they are released in Japan, so if movie marketers over here changed the title, no one would know it was the movie they'd read about online. Thus, confusing movie titles like "RED" stay the same in Japanese.

One genre Japan almost absolutely refuses to budge on, however, is children's movies such as those from Pixar and Disney.

"Ratatouille" became "Remy's tasty restaurant."

"Frozen" became "Ana and the snow queen"

And possibly the worst, "Up" became "Carl's house that flies in the sky."



So best of luck to you if you want to ever find an American movie here. You'll need it.

Surviving trains in Tokyo

Tokyo Station

During my regular commute in Tokyo, I can't help but notice many foreigners sporting huge travel backpacks and lost, helpless looks on their faces as they stand. Right. In. The. Middle. Of. The. Escalator. 

To be fair, this is not limited to foreign travelers. If only that were the case, there would be fewer instances of business people swerving around people on train platforms in a desperate bid to to make their train. 

No, other culprits include old people who can't move quickly anymore (and I say, why should they have to? They made it this far in their lives, they deserve the break) and Japanese tourists who come to Tokyo and don't understand people in a hurry. 

However, today I offer tips to foreigners who don't seem to realize how insane it can get on trains in Japan. 

Tip 1: If you can, do not go near a train station between the hours of 7-11 a.m. and then 5-1 a.m. If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of riding a train during these hours, please follow my guide below to survive.

Tip 2: In Tokyo, stand on the left of the escalator if you just want to stand there and not run up the steps. Make every effort to merge your body with the left side of the escalator. 

Tip 3: If you feel the need to be lost and try to find your way by looking at a map, press yourself against the nearest train station wall, not in the middle of the walking area. Exception: Do not stand anywhere near stairs leading to a train platform. Stay far away from these during your period of being lost. 

Tip 4: Ride the elevator if you are with small children, pregnant, sick, old or injured. 

Tip 5: While riding a train anywhere, it's never a good time to call up your buddy on Skype on your phone and say, "You'll never guess where I am!" Text? Go for it. 

Tip 6: Don't try to rush onto a train that's about to leave unless you are ok with the entire car full of people staring at you, whether you make it or not. Japanese business people rush the train all the time, but now is the time to shine and say to Japan, "Look at what a good tourist I am. I didn't rush the train." (Though if I'm in a hurry, I have been known to leap like a gazelle between closing doors)

Tip 7: Want to make the jaws of fellow Japanese passengers drop in a good way? Try any of the following:

                 A: Give up your seat to anyone you feel needs it. The standard is to give up your seat for people who would also prefer the elevator (see Tip 4) 

                 B: Stand to the side of train doors when boarding and wait until everyone needing to get off does before you enter.

                 C: If a door is closing on someone who is rushing the train (see Tip 6) and you are near the door, reach out and pull the door back so it doesn't shut on them. Only do this if it looks like they will get stuck otherwise. 

                 D: Always walk on the left side in the train station. 

                 E: Try not to bump into anyone anywhere, and if you do, bow at them and say "Sumimasen." (su-ME-mah-sen). Especially do this if the person you bumped is old. 

                 F: Help someone trying to put their bags on the overhead wrack on the train. 

                 G: If you see someone molesting usually a high school girl in a short skirt, feel free to point at the   offender and say loudly, "Chikan!" (CHE-kahn). This means pervert. 

                If you feel like you could take the offender on should they attempt a swing (some of them are drunk) and want to play the hero, then grab the offender's arm, declare they are a chikan, drag them off the train at the next station and find someone in a station uniform. Then tell the official about the chikan. (NOTE: Do not attempt unless you seriously could handle either someone potentially verbally assaulting you or physically assaulting you. Do not assume other riders will come to your aid.)

                 H: Let old people get off the train before you if they are nearby. 

                 I: Some old people think they don't need a seat, and then the train jerks forward and they almost fall over or, sometimes, do. Be on the lookout for this and help. 

(Note: Many, many people would prefer not to help anyone they don't personally know, but a philosophy professor of mine once said, "If that's you who's in trouble, do you want to be surrounded by people who will help strangers or people who won't?") 

Tip 8: Lost? Feel free to ask the train staff (usually near the ticket gates) or a young-ish person (go for someone who's the same sex as you if you're not hoping to look like you're just hitting on them) for directions. I recommend middle school kids just because they have whole sections of their English textbooks dedicated to giving directions at train stations, and their English teachers would be incredibly thrilled if those kids actually put that knowledge to use. 

As promised in Tip 1, here is how to survive rush hour. 

Rush Hour Tip 1: Know your destination in advance, and know exactly what trains you need to get there and on what platform you need to be for each connect. If you have to wander lost in the station trying to find your connection and whatnot, stay as close to the walls of the train station as possible while you look. 

Rush Hour Tip 2: By a touch pass. You can do this at most ticket dispensing machines at most train stations. Putting about 1,000 yen on your card should get you where you need to go. This saves you having to stare at the train maps over the ticket machines trying to figure out what ticket you need to buy. 

Rush Hour Tip 3: For God's sake stay out of the middle section of where people are walking in train stations. This area should be reserved for business people who know their train routes better than the lines to their favorite movie. 

Rush Hour Tip 4: If you are donning a huge backpack, arrange it so it's against your chest rather than your back. This will help prevent you from accidentally taking someone out should you quickly turn around. Try not to have your backpack on you when you're in a crowded train because no one wants to have their face pushed up against a backpack you've been using every day during your month-long tour of Asia. 

Rush Hour Tip 5: The train will be packed full of people. Do not fight against the flow onto the train, but try not to squish the old person who was also unfortunate enough to get stuck traveling during rush hour. 

Rush Hour Tip 6: There is always room for you on the train. Do not be intimidated by a train door that opens to reveal a wall of people. Just bow your head once and back your way into the train. 

Rush Hour Tip 7: Do not be afraid to get off the train if the doors open opposite to where you are standing. Yell out "Orimasu!" (Oh-REE-mahs) ("I'm getting off!") and push people out of your way until you are off the train. 

Rush Hour Tip 8: The rules of courtesy still apply in crowded trains in that if someone who looks like they need to sit down is standing anywhere near where you are sitting, stand up and give them your seat. 

Rush Hour Tip 9: Know the name of the train station you want and train your ears to the announcements. Sometimes you are so jammed into the train that you can't even scratch your nose, let alone peer out the window and see what station you're at. 

Rush Hour Tip 10: Put your arms in front of your chest like someone is about to attack you when you're on the train. This gives you a little breathing room. 

Rush Hour Tip 11: On the escalators, hug that left side of the escalator and make yourself as small as possible or someone running up on the right will run directly into you...and keep going. 

Tax time

A tax center

It began with a call to my cell.It was an unknown caller so I ignored it. 

That evening another call came. Same number, but not a number I knew. I Googled the number, but nothing came up. 

Finally - after six calls in three days and dragging a coworker into answering the phone with his burly voice - I discovered it was the tax branch of my company calling me.

Now, I am not what anyone would dream to label as a tax expert, so I can only explain based on what I can understand of taxes, which is very little. I know, for instance, I need to pay them. 

What the tax branch representative seemed to be saying, which was in rapid Japanese with a nice hint of extreme keigo, was, "Sorry, we can't file your taxes this year so you're going to have to file them yourself."

For reasons beyond my comprehension, Japanese companies file your taxes for you. Usually in November my company sends me this form asking me if I have any dependents and such, I fill out the form and send it back to them, and they calculate and send the tax forms. Every now and then I get a tax return. And that's it. 

This was the first time I'd have to go file on my own, however, and I was dreading it the way I had dreaded my double root canal. I had the feeling this would be just as painful. 

I found a tax center nearby with a security guard in the lobby. 

I held up the documents my company had sent me, and I literally said, "Sorry, I don't know what I'm doing."

The security guard nodded like I was not the first person to have said this to him and pointed me toward a line of people. He told me to get in that line.

Ten minutes later I repeated my genius phrase to another man behind a desk, who looked at my yearly pay slips and filled out parts of a form for me. He slipped everything into a clear plastic folder, handed them all back to me, and told me to get in another line. 

Another ten minutes and a woman ushered me over to a desk, where I filled out basic information on the form under the watchful eye of another man. The man went over my form, asked me to double check everything, then ushered me into another line to input this all into a computer. 

After waiting in another line another ten minutes, I had a guy basically clicking through the online application for me. I filled in all the basic information again, plus my income in the designated slots, and he would click or tell me what to click. 

I waited in another line to print those forms out, a woman told me to put them in a green box right behind me (and she held onto the form until I had put it halfway into the green box, then let go), and I was done. 

I walked out of the tax center completely stunned. 

At no point was my brain required for any of this. No part of the process had left me scratching my head wondering what on earth was going on. If I could write my name and address, I was already at the finish line for filing taxes in this country. 

How could it be so completely easy? How on earth could it have been so easy?

For years and years I've learned to dread doing taxes because either you are left biting your nails wondering if you interpreted the forms correctly or emptying your wallet to pay someone else to figure out your taxes for you. It's not a happy time of the year.

But here, in good 'ol Japan, I am apparently allowed to be absolutely clueless about the process of taxes because I just had to wait in a series of lines and wait for a series of people to do it all for me. For free. I was in and out the door no more aware of deductions and merits in Japan than I was before I walked in the door.

Expats in Japan

Waiting to pray at a shrine for the first time this year

I'd like to take this opportunity to vent about something that's been slowly driving me insane since coming to Japan to live in 2009.

I don't know if this is true of all countries, and I don't know if it's just me feeling this or not, but does anyone else get put off by the sheer snobbery and superiority complexes of other expats?

Even in magazines geared toward expats in Japan, I've noticed the absolute snootiness with which the magazine refers to newbies to the country.

At a company I used to work for, anyone who had just arrived in the country was called "fresh off the boat" and considered like a newborn, but with disdain.



Expats who have been here over 20 years, I have found, have stopped puffing out their chests to declare they're experts of Japan. By that point, they just seem too tired to.

No, it's usually the sweet spot of living here between 5 to 10 years when that snobbery reaches a fever pitch. These mid-term expats will waste no time in commenting on your surprise at something in Japan (such as the need to take your slippers off to use a different pair in the bathroom) with something along the lines of, "Aw you're so cute because you don't know anything."

If you find something interesting, or if you believe something is possible (for example, dating a Japanese person), this mid-term expat will swiftly destroy that hope or that joy with such fleeting phrases as, "Ah, I remember when I was that stupid and thought such stupid things were possible."

Condescension is the method of choice in beating out any sense of hope anyone living here for less than five years may still have within them, so that these poor people will either go back to the country they came from or turn into bitter mid-term expats, themselves, compelled by divine revenge to then pass on the gloom to  newly arrived people.

If I may ask, expat people living in Japan, could you just stop? Unless the new person is at risk of losing their life or getting into some serious trouble, why not just let them experience Japan in their own way, free of your pompous commentary on how new they are to it all?

Is there really a need for the antics of being a snob? Why is not knowing everything about Japan the equivalent of being an idiot?

I am willing to bet that most mid-term expats (and any other snobbish expat) don't know absolutely everything about Japan either. I don't know everything about my home country, so I never came here with the personal expectation to figure out all of Japanese culture.

Yes, it's important to keep an open mind when abroad, because almost as annoying as the snobbish expats are the expats and tourists who say things like, "Well in my country, we would never do this."

However, there is a line between an open mind and making it all a race the way people do with video game levels.

There is no need for the pressure to know absolutely everything or risk ridicule. Let's lighten up, people.

Thank you.